That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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