You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
