There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
