I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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