Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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