dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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