Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
