oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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