OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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