I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
