Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
