I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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