Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
