Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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