This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
