your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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