aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
