walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
