just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Every concussion has its silver lining
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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