what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
