Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
