So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I can text with my tongue
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
