I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
