I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
