So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
