$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
