im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
