dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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