It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
