YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
