but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i barfeds in our rink
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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