im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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