he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I supernannyed him into submission
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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