come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
