i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
