I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
