I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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