Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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