I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
