Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I love having hate sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
