Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
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