Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
