I'm lost and stupid without you.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
