hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
