If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
