i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
