Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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