And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You don't make any sense
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