I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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