Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
