he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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