the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
