When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
