I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
