If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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